Stay at Home Moms Make Difficult Choices Too

Stay at home moms make difficult choices too and for many women deciding how to manage work and family it is also an emotionally charged decision. The Huff Post brings to light the hardships of both working moms and stay at home moms, and the dilemma facing those who have to somehow reconcile their dreams with reality and the wishes of their spouses and special needs of their children. So for those of you who think it’s easy, it’s not. Stay at home moms make difficult choices too.

“I was at a free seminar after my yoga class on following your dreams and achieving your goals. In the group of 25 women, still sitting on their yoga mats, every dream was different. It was emotional–more tears than laughter–and the dreams ranged from a mom in the back corner wanting to find a way to live more peacefully with her three children, all of whom have special needs, to the woman in the front row, now addressing my dreams, who wanted to get her pre-baby body back.”

“Up until this point, no one but the life coach had been commenting on the personal stories of the others in the room. But before the woman even opened her mouth, I knew what was coming. I’ve seen this movie before. As a matter of fact, I’ve had a lead role in this movie.”

“Karen says that she wants to work, but she has five kids. She is working. She is doing the most important job there is — raising her children. I am completely fulfilled being a mom and I am so sick of having to explain what important work I am doing.”

On the Other Hand…

“I went back into practice and worked part-time before babies four and five were born. My uncertainty used to be great and in my weakest moments, I found a selfish solace in thinking my situation and my parenting superior. I fluctuated between the two roles, and therefore the two sides:

“…Stay-at-home mom vs. working mother. Which is better?”

“My newest lofty goal, which I shared with group, is to find a job that will give me personal fulfillment, pay for the sitter and still allow me to be the mom I want to be to my five kids. When asked what obstacles are keeping me from attaining my dream, I shared mine: guilt, laziness, not having enough time, the feeling that I should be content with what I have, the fact that my mom didn’t work and a few others. Maybe you can relate.”

“I couldn’t help but read more between the lines. If experience has taught me anything, it’s that there is no universal answer to the best way to raise your kids — either as a stay-at-home parent or as a working one. There was a time, in my younger years, when I sat in judgment of my peers. No more.”

“I’ve realized that there is no such thing as a perfect mother.”

“Motherhood used to be a sisterhood, something generations of women muddled through together. Now, it is often a competition. In our struggle to fight to a non-existent finish line, we are tossing each other aside. It isn’t pretty. Still, there is something worse than the ease and self-righteousness with which we critique each other. Do what you know is right for you and your family — ignore the voice from the front row. She has a lot to learn.”

In any group of women you will always find a mixture of stay at home, work at home and work outside the home mothers. What is wrong with us that we feel we need to decide which group is doing the “right” thing? There really is no right way to do this. Judging each other and putting labels on each type of mother has only divided us instead of uniting us so that we can fully support each other. I say that stay at home moms make difficult choices too and there are no easy answers for mothers no matter what label they have.

What are your thoughts on this subject? Can we ever agree to unite and support instead of judge and criticize?

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